Judith Rosen Counselling & Therapy

Individuals - Couples - Adolescents

Judy Talks About Give and Take in Relationships

One of the difficult tasks we have as human beings is deciding when to give and when to take. It may sound easy and I’m sure it is for some people, but not for all. Some people want more than their fair share. They can only feel safe, loved or respected in a relationship when things go their way. They get labeled as selfish or controlling, but that too is unfair.
 
The reasons vary, but often these people have been engulfed or dominated as children and they fear this recurring. The only way they feel safe in relationship is by setting up strong boundaries to protect themselves and their interests. On some level, considering the other person and their needs is dangerous; they may get overpowered or swallowed up again.
 
Their behavior in the relationship is motivated by a fear which they cannot consciously feel and this fear limits their ability to love fully and enjoy the benefits of relationship. Their lover self, the one that can open to love and give fully and be transformed by this experience, is kept hidden in the shadow part of the psyche. Unfortunately, many people remain unaware of this internal dynamic.
 
Taking too little is also a problem, neither strategy works in the end. These sorts of problems can damage the love that two people feel for each other and prevent both individuals, as well as the relationship, from growing. If you have these kinds of relationship difficulties or others, please phone me at 604-538-9796.