Judith Rosen Counselling & Therapy

Individuals - Couples - Adolescents

Judy Talks About The Little "No" Word

Some people have trouble saying "no."  In fact, some can not say the word at all.  It appears to be a relatively simple task, just to form the sound with your mouth and speak, but not so for many.

Who are these people?  They are normal, sane, good people.  They try to please others and take good care of their family and friends.  They try to accommodate, console, and satisfy.  The only problem is that they forget themselves in the equation and when that happens, things go wrong. People take advantage of them, their self-esteem drops, dreams disappear.  Things don’t go wrong right away. Sometimes it takes decades before this problem manifests into depression, loss of vitality, loss of dreams, or loss of self. But eventually it does happen.

We need to be with ourselves first; our relationship to self is primary.  We are the keepers of our soul, the overseers of our own happiness. When we are not present for ourselves, who can be?  Who is it that can know the deepest parts of us, our needs, our dreams, and our desires? Who is deep enough inside to hear the small call of our spirit to change direction? Who is deep enough inside to know whether we are satisfied with life or whether we are just pretending? No one.  No one can do this but us. We need ourselves to navigate the essential waters of ourselves and our lives. 

From this place of self-knowing and self caring, we can then engage with others. We can hear their needs and concerns, their request and demands. We can make clear, conscious decisions. At times we say “yes, I can do this for you,” and at other times we will say “no.”  At still other times we will find a mid-ground or make a compromise.  Each situation will be different, but we will always be able to connect with self first to feel our own emotional position. From there we are able to take in the needs of the outside world and negotiate with awareness and sensitivity to both ourselves and other.

 For many this is a natural process, but for others, it is almost a foreign language.  If you have this kind of difficulty, I can help.  Please phone me at 604-538-9796.