Judith Rosen Counselling & Therapy

Individuals - Couples - Adolescents

Judy Talks About the Pitiful “Victim”

The word “victim” and the ideas behind it have received bad press for years. This continues today as people say, “Don’t be a victim!” and look down on those who cry for the pain in their lives. Their advice is to “suck it up,” and “get on with it.” Sometimes these words are appropriate, but most often they are a way for the listener to get away from both the painful story and the emotions of the person telling it.
Being a “victim” usually means having sadness for one’s self or having compassion for the pain in one’s own life. This has an important place in the healing process. Life does contain painful experiences. Illness, death, abuse, loss, neglect and separation happen; they happen to all of us. To move through and beyond these difficult life events, one must have certain tools.

There is a process that will help clear these events from our hearts, minds and lives. One begins by becoming aware of the loss and acknowledging it to themselves and to others. Feeling the emotional pain around the event is essential. This will involve tears, sometimes anger and may include a variety of other emotions as well. Some people need to experience these feelings alone while

Others need the support of family and friends. But experiencing them is key to the transformational process, one does not fully recover without it. Eventually emotions end and the mind begins to integrate the experience, and this often means understanding life and people differently. It is only at this point that one can truly move on.
Problems arise when people get stuck in the emotional phase of the process and continually mourn the event and what it has done to them, feeling attacked and powerless. This is unhealthy and creates more emotional pain than is necessary. You may have gotten stuck in this “victim” place or you may have never been able to grieve a painful event in your life. Either way can be harmfully to you. Either way, I can help.  Please call me at 604-538-9796.